Wow! You Read So Fast.

Seems you all are reading much faster than I’m writing.  I’ll try to do much better.  Here’s what I’m working on.  Re-thinking Angels, and Re-thinking Tithe.

I really try to study these topics out so I can present a balanced viewpoint.  That takes some time but I’ll do better, like I said.

If you have topics you’d like to see discussed, just drop me a line at kwesiw at gmail dot com

Thanks for you support and involvement.

It’s killing me and I love it

Toxic churches, hostile work environments, abusive relationships, draining friendships, dead marriages and destructive habits and we just won’t stop. We convince ourselves that there is some good, even godly reason to stay, continue or return. We excuse the abuse, the rudeness, self-centered-ness and continued derogation as a necessary evil. We look at the good that we accomplish or that is intended toward us and use that to cancel out the pain we endure.

Why do we get stuck?

I once worked for an extended period in an extremely hostile work environment. I was promoted at the same time as an older gentleman with much more life and work experience than me. On the third night of our employment the legendary hostility presented itself in the form of a woman known as the mother of Satan. She cussed him out in the middle of the work floor in front of all of his employees. He immediately took off his badge and his time card and advised the boss lady what she could do with them. He left and never returned nor did he ever return the company’s many calls and letters begging him to return. He knew that he could do better. I wished that I had done the same thing soon enough but I started thinking about how I would pay the bills and provide for my family. I convinced myself that I could stay and change the culture. In the lunch room that night among the supervisors the discussion was all about his decision to leave. I questioned the older supervisor that night, all agreed that he did the best thing possible. They began to list for me all the ways that the work environment was hostile. I being young and naive asked them why they all choose to remain. I heard many different reasons; money, age, education, to list a few but as I thought about it all the reasons feel into one category. That was the inability to see beyond present experience. I understood and could identify with some of their reasoning and certainly not all of us were in a position to be unemployed. My next suggestion was for us to collectively pursue a meeting with the district manager to discuss our complaints and concerns. You would have thought that I suggested murder. In not so many words they communicated we are afraid of retaliation, rejection, dismissal or being left without. As it turns out many of the old heads were promoted by their abusive boss. She had at some point done them good. Since she was once good to them, the consensus was that you just had to take the bad with the good. The idea of addressing the bad as bad and acknowledging the good as good was a foreign and frightening concept. It became clear to me that my co-workers, employees and managment were all stuck. I over time and many efforts to change the culture worked myself into depression. In my mind I was making a sacrifice for my family. I became a mean, bitter and evil person that my family didn’t like nor enjoy being around. I put my family before defending myself and protecting my worth and as a result failed to defend my family and their worth. When I decided I had to leave, I was plagued with questions like who’s going to do what you do and how will it affect those that you have relationship with. I recognize that many times we get stuck because we become codependent. We don’t deny that we are dying, we don’t pretend not to know that the abuse is bad and evident, instead we admit with pride and aloofness, “it’s killing me and I love it.”

How to be Criticized Constructively

It’s not ever really fun to be on the receiving end of criticism, at least not for me. Yet in spite of the dreary feeling of being judged, I am aware that constructive criticism can save all things dear to you from destruction or abuse, including yourself. Sometimes it’s hard to hear, but it can make the difference between success and failure.

Proverbs 15:22 says it this way:

22 Refuse good advice and watch your plans fail; take good counsel and watch them succeed.

Here are four principles to help you receive criticism with joy.

B – Be open. Never allow yourself to get to the place where you think you know it all, have arrived, or are always right. Remember, pride comes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.

E – Evaluate the facts honestly. Listen to what is said without a defensive pose. Take time to think over the evidence or logic that is presented.

A – Accept the truth and reject error. Once you have objectively assessed what you hear, then you simply take what is useful to heart and get rid of the rest.

M – Mature. Use what was useful to be a better person. Build a better business or move to the next step in accomplishing your dream or purpose. Take corrective action as soon as possible.

I find that knowing these steps ahead of time takes the perceived sting out of criticism that can well help you fulfill your dream.

Do you think this will work? Is it hard for you to receive a critical review of yourself or your actions? Why or why not?

How to Criticize Christians

The title alone might scare some of you, but constructive criticism, (a spoken or written opinion or judgment), is a part of healthy relationship. The bible lets us know that iron sharpens iron and one brother sharpens another and that wisdom is found in the counsel of many advisors. Certainly if we are wise, we surround ourselves with those who are free and encouraged to tell us the truth in spite of our immediate feelings.

There are a growing number of ministries, blogs and sites that seek to separate the truth of the word of God from the error of rampant false teaching. At first glance, this sounds wonderful. I’m ready to chant, “Sound the alarm!” But wait. I have to ask the question, is there a biblical way to go about this?

Yes, there is! Turns out Jesus dealt with the issue directly in

Matthew 7:1 “Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults – unless, of course, you want the same treatment. 2 That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. 3 It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. 4 Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? 5 It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor. 6 “Don’t be flip with the sacred. Banter and silliness give no honor to God. Don’t reduce holy mysteries to slogans. In trying to be relevant, you’re only being cute and inviting sacrilege.

I see at least four principles that ought to be followed when we have to judge a person’s action, ministry, minister’s action, doctrine or practice. I’ll use the word ‘mote’ to try and make this memorable.

M – Motive is everything! We should never criticize just as an exercise in fault-finding or in an attempt to prove moral superiority. Such behavior is frivolous.

O – Objectivity is essential! When evaluating a situation, a person, or practice, it’s important to ensure we are free of bias, hurts and personal struggles that may cause our judgment to be one-sided and hateful.

T – Truth, that’s all! It’s often hard to do, but telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is the standard that we must hold ourselves to. It’s unfair and ungodly to only tell the part of the story that helps your assertion.

E – Evaluate the need and the redemptive results! Don’t cast your pearl before swine. If a person is clearly hard-hearted or decidedly unbiblical, evaluate the need for your criticism. Be careful not to judge the person, stick to the practice. Belittlement is never necessary. Always work towards the redemption of people, not the embracement or exclusion of others.

So judge my thoughts. What do you think? How does it make you feel when you are criticized based on assumption and misinformation?