Happy New Year to you, my friend. Friends like you keep coming back and I continue to be amazed that you want to read these words I write. Thank you.
I woke up this morning, and for the first time in the last five days, I could write. I find myself, due to circumstances beyond my control, in what I’m going to call a safe-house season.
Here’s the thing that makes this time difficult; I’m a frontliner by nature. I’m the guy who wants to be up front when it’s time for a fight. I’m that guy who finds it hard to see any Goliath as too big for me to fight. If in battle, I don’t want to be a sniper. I want to be the demolition expert, breaching doors and taking the enemy down with my hands.
My past has positioned me to always be ready for a fight. Now the season of my life has changed. I’ve been through this season twice before that I can identify, and I would have to admit, I failed both times. I say I failed because this is a season that looks more like witness protection than active duty. This is a season where I am not allowed to protect myself but I need defending and protecting. This is a season where I have to trust other people… really it’s about me trusting God to use others to accomplish His will in my life.
There’s the feeling of uselessness and the temptation to be anxious. There’s the uncertainty that comes with detachment. If your personality is anything like mine, a safe-house doesn’t feel very safe. I want to know, to do, to feel, to fight. God wants me to be still and learn to be completely confident in Him. It’s not always the right time for a fight, I get that. Sometimes you find yourself stuck in an ark. Sometimes you’re in a lion’s den. Sometimes you’re in a cave, hovering over your enemy, yet holding your peace. Sometimes you feel broken, alone, used, abused and forgotten. I am never forgotten! Wherever I find myself, God is with me. God, you are always with me.
Father, I will be still, I know that you alone are God. I will hold my peace and let you fight my battle. I have no other choice but to trust you… You are with me, you are always with me.